Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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