My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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