im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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