WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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