really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
