He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Randomize