He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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