what day is it and did you see me today?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
i think i just lost a toe
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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