peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
