I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
