Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
im six kinds of drunk right now
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
