I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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