you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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