I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize