On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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