The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
