i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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