He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
