Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
