where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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