you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
mondays should just be called national damage control day
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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