that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
