She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
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