whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
