so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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