I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize