wanna go halves on a baby?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
