After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
