i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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