I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
