Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
