That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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