every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
