Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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