Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize