It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize