had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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