This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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