At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Randomize
