i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
