Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
