She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
