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he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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