I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
