Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
