we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
