Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
