Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize