I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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