I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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