i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
