i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
