Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
