He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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