dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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