I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
