I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
