Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
