i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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