I like my sex mixed with concussions.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
