does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
