My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize