if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
