Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
