I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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