dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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