I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
