the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
