I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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