Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
