He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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