you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
