They should really pass out barf bags in church
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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