i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
