I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
