I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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