Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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