i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize