We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
