Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
