i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
