I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
