wrigley field is MILF paradise
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize