Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
