the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
