Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
