i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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