I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
