i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
