Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Randomize