just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
