Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
