What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
