I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She's the barista slut.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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