I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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