I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
