It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
