i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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